99 sheep

Last night, was certainly one of the hardest nights of my life. I said goodbye to my husband, my 4 oldest children, and my in-laws for an indefinite amount of time. They will return home on Friday evening to the comfort & much anticipated familiarity of our home. I have been dreading that goodbye for months now, and it was harder than I anticipated. I tried too keep a confident face but the wobbles in my voice and the tears streaming down my face did not match the words of assurance that I was trying to convey. I could see in there eyes the fear, pain and confusion that they were feeling, but they too, were trying their hardest to comfort me with their manufactured strength. When I told them to be brave and strong, they'd say through their tears "We will mommy." I assured them Joshua and I would be home as soon as possible and that time would fly by, and they'd say "o.k. mommy." Russ and I shared agonizing glances that said "I don't want to do this. I miss you already. My heart is being torn in two!", but not a word was spoken. Our family unit is disjointed and not knowing when we will be reunited is so painful
When Jesus shared the parable of the lost sheep in Matt 18:12 He said "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?" He later talks of the joy of finding that lost sheep and bringing it back into the fold... but I wish He would have touched on the inevitable pain that the sheppard must have felt when he had to walk away from the 99 that he loved just as much, in order to bring the one lost sheep home. As he walked away, I imagine that sheppard looking over his shoulder every few seconds as the distance between his flock and their guardian widened. I imagine the almost sickening feeling he must have felt in the pit of his stomach, from not knowing when he would return to them. I imagine he worried about them each step of the way. I imagine that every minute that passed felt like an eternity. I imagine he asked God "Why" a million different times and a million different ways.
But I will choose be thankful and take courage. Thankful that God has provided us with another wonderful son, no matter how he chooses to bring him to us. And take courage that He who has begun a good work will see it to completion. We will be home soon and our family will be complete. But until that day, please pray that The Great Comforter will be tangibly felt by each member of our family. Joshua at only 2 years old, instantly noticed that his family was gone when he woke this morning. (He was asleep last night when they left at 9:15 pm) This morning, he asked for each one by name with a question in his voice (Daddy? Nana? Papa? Uncle P.K.? Carmen? Faith? Hank? Simon? and each time I tried to explain that they went to a different house to get his room ready for him and that we would go to meet them soon. But I don't think he really gets it. He just keeps asking for them and is clearly not himself today. This house is too quiet! I dont like it. And neither does Joshua.
My parents arrived last night about 2 hours after the rest of my family headed to the airport. What a gift to be able to share this experience with so many members of my family!! Mom watched Joshua sleep and cried that she could hear him breathe and touch his body. Dad beamed with pride over another grandchild. Dad woke before Mom this morning and Joshy and I were already awake. Dad came down the stairs and I said "Joshua, look, this is 'Grandpa'". He smiled big and said "Gah-pah!" They played cars and read a book and Joshua showed off by singing his ABC's. Grandma came down a little later and gave him a new blue matchbox car and they were fast friends. But even though he is surrounded by people who absolutely adore him, the house is eerily quiet without his siblings. The absence of their noise is almost deafening.
If everything goes ridiculously perfectly, in theroy, we could leave Tuesday night and be home wednesday evening... but we are in Uganda, and things dont always "line up". One piece of paper that takes 30 seconds to sign, can take 3 weeks to obtain. Please pray that our God would show Himself mighty and that we would be able to leave next week. Thank you! I love all dearly! I'll update again soon.
Blessings, Heather